She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We need to get me chipped asap
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I forget how to act sober
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
