I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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