dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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