Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
