Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
