I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
