I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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