Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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