Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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