Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
