She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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