Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
