Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
