when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
