Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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