God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
