at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
