On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
