His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
