I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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