Ambien. No doubt about it.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
