they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
