don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
