i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
