god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
