C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You dont lie about slip and slides
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
