best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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