I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
