i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we should paint friendship bongs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize