Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
