i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
