It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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