Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
