Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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