Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
