I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize