I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
