I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
