I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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