the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize