I'm drive I can fine osifer
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
