guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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