your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
time to smoke my breakfast
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
