We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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