But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
