my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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