If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
