He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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