Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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