Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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