You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Randomize
