I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
