im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
