I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
