Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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