so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
