Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
