And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
