Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
