I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
