i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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