During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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