hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize