I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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