So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
