after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
