He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
