I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
