none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
