I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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