also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Boobs speak an international language.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I didn't notice because vodka
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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