I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
